Your decision to change can hold up what feels like “a big fat mirror” to others about their own drinking patterns. Research from the University of Buffalo found that couples who have mismatched drinking patterns experience more relationship problems than those who drink similarly or abstain together. But what’s less obvious is how alcohol affects relationships even when both partners drink regularly. It can create the illusion of connection while actually preventing deeper intimacy. Individual counseling can be incredibly beneficial for partners and family members who have been affected by their loved one’s drinking. Therapy can help address issues like low self-esteem, codependent behaviors, and the trauma that often results from living with addiction.
Taking the First Step: A Gentle Experiment
Instead, having compassion for where they are and realizing they don’t know everything you know now is crucial. For so long, many of us have been hiding our struggles, trying to keep it together and maintain a smile even through the most challenging times. When you can say, “This is why this was hard for me, this is what I was ashamed of, this is how I felt,” real connection happens.
Their reactions, whether judgment, dismissal, or attempts to sabotage your efforts, are usually more about their own relationship with alcohol than about you. The communication breakdown goes deeper than just saying things we regret. Alcohol impairs our ability to listen actively, to pick up on subtle emotional cues, and to respond with empathy.
Alcohol can change the way that people interact with each other, sometimes in negative ways. Relationships thrive when you can effectively communicate with each other, but it can be hard to do that when you’ve been drinking. Given that alcohol can contribute to all these issues, it’s likely that alcohol use has the potential to lead to separation issues in some couples. A 2013 study found that of the 52 people who participated, over 34 of them (that’s more than 60%) noted that substance use was a factor for separation.
And the best news is, there are many different kinds of activities that can reduce your stress. Yet many people feel that their lives are too busy for hobbies, games, or extra fun. Explore how alcohol use can impact anxiety, depression, and emotional regulation—and what to do about it. Drinking in secret or downplaying how much you drink can be a strong indicator that alcohol has become something you’re ashamed of—or something you fear being judged for. You might pour an extra drink when no one’s around or lie about how many drinks you’ve had.
Effective Stress Relief Strategies
- We specialize in compassionate, evidence-based care tailored to your needs.
- Perhaps no concept is more important to understand when dealing with alcoholic behavior in relationships than codependency.
- It’s about honest communication about your journey and where you are now.
- For so long, many of us have been hiding our struggles, trying to keep it together and maintain a smile even through the most challenging times.
- These sessions can help family members understand addiction as a disease, learn healthier ways of communicating, and address the trauma and resentment that have built up over time.
- Alcohol can greatly increase the chance of aggressive behavior in some people and often plays a role in intimate partner violence.
In reality, codependency often prevents the alcoholic from experiencing the natural consequences of their drinking, potentially prolonging their active addiction. It’s clear that drinking hurts relationships, and there are numerous ways it can damage marriages and other intimate partnerships. Alcohol abuse can lead to personality changes and negative behaviors, and studies3 have linked that alcohol addiction to aggression and violence within marriages. Learning more about how alcohol can affect your relationship is already an incredible step to be proud of.
If your relationship involves heavy drinking and your sex life is suffering, alcohol may be to blame. While it’s true that alcohol can increase sexual desire in the short term, it can harm a person’s sex drive in the long run. This is because it can adversely affect your hormones, emotional well-being, and overall health. A couple’s therapist can help you and your partner rebuild trust after alcohol abuse has damaged the relationship. Couples therapy sessions can also help you develop coping skills and find ways to manage stress without turning to alcohol.
Cut Out Things That Add to Your Stress
Intimate partner violence, unfortunately, has a greater likelihood of occurring in relationships where alcohol abuse is present. The disinhibiting effects of alcohol can lead to verbal, emotional, or physical abuse that might not occur when the person is sober. The challenge with codependent behaviors is that they can feel like love and loyalty, making them difficult to recognize and even harder to change. You might tell yourself that you’re just being a good partner or that this is what love requires.
Gratitude also reminds you of all of the resources you have to cope with stress, which can be quite empowering. Harsh self-criticism, self-doubt, and catastrophic predictions aren’t helpful. If you’re constantly thinking things like, “I don’t have time for this,” and “I can’t stand this,” you’ll stress yourself out. When you’re focused on the here-and-now, you won’t be able to ruminate about something that already happened, and you can’t worry about something in the future. Meditation and mindfulness take practice, but they can make a big difference in your overall stress level as they bring you back to the present.
Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms
- While the road isn’t easy, and there are no guarantees, taking that first step toward getting help—whether for yourself or your loved one—is a positive change that can lead to a much brighter future.
- Once the initial effects of alcohol wear off, it’s common to experience heightened depression, anxiety, and even anger and volatility.
- The key insight is that their reactions to your choices are about them, not you.
- Oar Health offers medication FDA-approved for the treatment of alcohol problems.
If you or your spouse or partner lives with an alcohol addiction, help is available. The Recovery Village Cherry Hill at Cooper provides comprehensive alcohol addiction treatment led by licensed medical professionals to those in the South Jersey and Philadelphia areas. If your alcohol consumption becomes excessive and leads to negative consequences, your partner may argue with you about your drinking. You might have fights about the amount you drink, or your partner may be upset that you never spend quality time with them because you’re always drinking. Alcohol has the potential to change a person’s personality in huge ways.
Schedule time with a couple’s counselor to help build better communication
In fact, numerous studies5 have found that couple’s therapy effectively treats addiction on its own and as part of a treatment plan that includes other services, like individual counseling. Alcohol addiction can cause financial issues, which can ultimately destroy a relationship. If you’re spending significant time drinking or recovering from being under the influence, you might start how to tell when alcohol is affecting your relationships missing work.
Having an occasional drink or night out isn’t likely to ruin a relationship, but you’re probably in trouble when you’re drinking so often you have to hide it. If you’ve noticed that you’re only doing activities with your partner that involve alcohol, try to find other ways to spend time together without drinking. A 2018 study found that in children with a strong family history of alcohol use disorder, the chance of developing substance use issues was higher. Being in a relationship with someone with alcohol use disorder can be challenging.
The ripple effect of addiction touches many lives, but the ripple effect of recovery and healing can be just as powerful. Communication problems are another hallmark of relationships affected by alcohol addiction. You might also notice that your own emotional needs are consistently being put on the back burner as you focus more and more energy on managing the chaos that excessive drinking creates. Fortunately, there are more ways than ever to get support if alcohol is harming your life and happiness. Ria Health is one online program offering comprehensive help—from coaching meetings to anti-craving prescriptions—100 percent from your smartphone.
