There is much for you to be proud of as you approach the three-quarter mark of your recovery steps, but these can feel like precarious steps. The three primary types of amends are direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends. Each type serves a unique purpose in recovery and offers various methods for addressing past wrongs and demonstrating commitment to change. Making amends is vital for the recovery journey as it helps us recognize the harm we have caused and take responsibility for our actions.
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Preparing for amends involves deep reflection on past actions and considering the intent behind them. Make sure you have a thorough 8th step amends list of people you have harmed and became willing to make amends to, which comes off of your 4th step inventory. Consult with your sponsor or a trusted person in your recovery community to find the best approach for making amends.
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You’ll also want to be mindful of your intention and follow through on it consistently over time. Forgiveness works both ways, and sometimes, even though a person says they forgive you, they might not be ready to mean it yet. If your attempt is met with silence or is declined, understand that your responsibility lies in the attempt itself. AA teaches that once you’ve genuinely extended an apology, your duty is fulfilled—regardless of whether the other person responds. It’s vital to understand that not every situation is ready for amends.
Grounded in faith and personal responsibility, the program helps alcoholics learn to achieve and maintain sobriety. If you currently have a sponsor and membership in an AA https://www.curvelakefn.com/the-painful-potentially-permanent-reality-of/ group, consider working together to write your amends letters. “Freedom” seems to be the word that most clearly describes the essence of Step Nine. It seems to sum up the relief from guilt and shame, the lessening of our obsession with “self”, and the increased ability to appreciate what’s really going on all around us. We may even start to think of our past as a gold mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret. We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day.
I have made many amends for my past while living as an alcoholic. Amends allow me to also right the wrongs I may continue to make. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live. Sometimes we cannot or should not contact the individual we have harmed. Or perhaps we have done irreparable damage and need to supplement our direct amends. In those cases, we may make amends through charitable donations, volunteering, and helping others.
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Amanda Marinelli is a Board Certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner (PMHNP-BC) with over 10 years of experience in the field of mental health and substance abuse. Amanda completed her Doctor of Nursing Practice and Post Masters Certification in Psychiatry at Florida Atlantic University. She is a current member of the Golden Key International Honor Society and the Delta Epsilon Iota Honor Society. If you’re looking to Drug rehabilitation make amends with a loved one or family member, you must take the time to develop a plan.
- The reason I give this disclaimer is making amends is a personal thing.
- A 12-Step program in Washington can be instituted as part of the ongoing care after the individual graduates from an inpatient drug rehab program.
- They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget.
- Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members.
And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged. Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times. Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles.
How Taking Responsibility Improves Recovery
But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive. This can be challenging but is an important step to continue progressing in recovery. Step 10 also involves making a list of wrongdoings and owning up to them. This exercise in taking responsibility for your mistakes can be uncomfortable, but is an important one to clear your conscience and perform a spiritual spring cleaning before you can move on. The idea is to have faith in something outside yourself and believe that it can guide you to recovery. This step is designed to help you let go of control and surrender to a higher power.
This makes it impossible to say what part of the rehab was responsible for a person’s success in staying sober. That’s why it can be hard to say just how well a 12-step program works. The peer support, encouragement, and accountability offered by Alcoholics Anonymous can help you overcome addiction and stay sober for the long-term. You can continue attending AA meetings for living amends as long as you want. Continued AA attendance benefits many people and helps them stay sober lifelong. This step is important because if you don’t address negative behaviors, shortcomings, and personal issues, you could slip back to old habits and relapse to drinking alcohol.
